July 5th

Had a wonderful night last night!
Good friends and good food.
Then disaster struck....daughter took my only lighter this am.
Damn.

Feeling my age!

Got up and dressed. Bent over to put on my shoes and sneezed while bent! Instant back pain.
Crap, have not had this kind of pain in months. Called in to work and am now home with heating pad and advil.

Decided to catch up on my email and found this site:
http://www.evanwashere.com/StolenSidekick/ (click TEXT to open new page for site)
TEXT

Let me know what you think.

1964 1/2 Mustang

 

My new bike

 

The Day After

Well, yesterday was the 16th anniversary of my 39th birthday! Yippee, skippee! It is official, I now qualify for all of those wonderful discounts that "senior citizens" drool over. I can shop Ross Dress for Less on Tues. for an extra percent off, I can go to the movies cheaper and eat those wonderful senior citizen meals that Denny's offers. Can't wait to start looking for other ss deals.

My tongue is screwed very tightly into my cheek at this point!!

The Gary and his mother surprised me with a wonderful gift. I now have a brand new and very shiny Schwinn, Jaguar bike sitting in my livingroom! Now if I can just remember how to ride one. I truly love it. My dear daughter, Kat is drooling over it and is sure she will be riding it soon. Does anyone know how to size a bike helmet? When I learned to ride a bike, we didn't wear them...not sure they even made bike helmets WAY back then. I did not learn to ride a bike until I was 12. I had one with training wheels at one point, but never got past that point when it disappeared. So at the advanced age of 12, I took the plunge and a friend taught me. Unfortunately, she lived in a trailer park and the the pavement was gravel. I picked pieces of that crap out of my body for days. But ride, I did. They lived somewhere by the airport and we decided to trek that way. We rode about 14 miles that day and then I spent the next week walking with a funny gait. I remember being very proud of myself.

I traded that bike in for a 1964 blue Mustang at the age of 16. My mother had divorced my stepfather, Frank Doubek and she kept custody of the Mustang. I loved that car. It was turquoise, sleek and a blast to drive. I was living with my grandmother at the time and we fought over when and where I could drive the car. I was limited to taking her on her errands, which really sucked. She had quit driving during WW II when rationing was going strong for gas and tires. She put her car up on blocks and never picked up a set of car keys again. Somehow, she could not understand why I wanted to drive to school instead of taking the school bus! Hated that damn bus. Really frustrating, it might have made me a little more popular at school (or not), but I never got a chance to find out.

All in all it was a great birthday, even if it was my55th.

Later.

Father's day and birthdays

On Tuesday, I will be 55! How in the hell did I get here and who is that old woman in the mirror?

Thought about calling my father today and then thought better of it as he has not called me in over 20 years. Tomorrow is my half brother's birthday and mine is the day aften and then the next day is my father's. Always thought it was a cruel coincidence that they would be so close. I imagine that they will celebrate my half brother's birthday today (45th).

Had a nice hour with John Long last night and he mentioned that he thought it interesting that the majority of our group is either the oldest or only child. Many of the group had or has a father that only a mother could love, so to speak. I have not figured out exactly what that means, if anything. I do know that those of my friends club are bright, verbal and often caustic. Which is why I love them. I also know that the parents we receive is truly is the luck of the draw. My mother always made me feel loved and special, so I am very lucky there. My children have both parents in their lives, but their father was an alcoholic for most of their lives. He is doing better now, but I fear that it has left a deep depression that they will have to work through as they age. Co-dependency runs deep in my family!



So happy birthday Johnny, Jr and Johnny, Sr. Happy father's day, Dad. I wish you could have loved me more.

I am pissed

The birthday boy called us today. It seems that in the two hours no one was in their apt. his laptop and camera were stolen. He will survive from all of this, but it sure sucks. I hurt for him and wish I could still make all the hurts go away by rocking him and tucking him in bed. Dammit, his apt. is on the third floor of a locked in complex. I hope the person that robbed him finds himself in the middle of a block when a huge semi knocks him into oblivion. I hope he burns in the hell I usually don't believe in and is poked with live electrical wires. Well, I feel a little better now.
Just a little.....still want to rock my son to sleep and tuck him in bed.

Some of Zack's Pictures

When I met Zack he was out of college and not doing much of anything (unless you call carousing and drinking anything). But, he was and is an artist. When his life became complicated he quit doing much art. I suggested that he enter some of the work he has done to a local art show. He offered six works and these 3 were accepted. He is in shock, I think. He has never had any art on display at an art venue since in college. I hope this gives him the push to continue.
RJ

Story of friends

When I was a youngun' I was alone a lot. We moved from town to town so that my no good father could fleece ( to defraud of money or property; swindle) another whoever out of whatever he could. We might be there a week or a month or even through one semester of school. It is really hard to make friends when you are on the move that often. I was either ahead or behind in school.
I think by the time I hit 7th grade I had been to 12-15 schools in either OK or TX. Because we moved so much, I didn't have a chance to make any long term friendships. Books were my friends and I read any and everything I could put my hands on. I loved comic books, because they were transportable and eaily read in the backseat of a car. My cousins were really, really poor and whenever we visited, I was popular because of the comics. I never had any left by the time the visit was over. I was an only child and there were 5 of them. Visiting them was always treat, I used the comics as an entre into their world and they shared theirs with me. We would visit the inevitable outhouse, swim in the local plot of mud, gather blackberries and swat wasps. I learned to love the smell of honeysuckle and the taste of mud pies. After we left, I would look at my sunburned, bug bitten body and hoard the feel of companionship as I sat in the backseat of the car reading my new comic books, listening my my father's inevitable country music coming from the car radio.

So why am I bringing up all this debris of my past? Well, I have friends today. I have some really great friends that make me laugh out loud, give me moral support, piss me off and spread their love over me. Sometimes I feel I am not worthy of them. I feel I am peeking into their lives and not giving them back all the wealth they have given me. Perhaps, it has something to do with all the moves and transitory relationships I had as a child. I do not know, but I do know that now I am so very, very lucky to have these people in my lives.

Birthday

I know I have not blogged for quite awhile, nothing seemed worth talking about. But thought I would give it a shot tonight-----!

This month is my (our) son's 26th birthday. Charles was born May 18, 1980. The day is important, not only because he was born that day (tho' that is enough for me!) but because that is the day Mt. St. Helen's erupted. Actually, we erupted about the same time! He will be the same age that I was when I met his father. He is a man and yet still my boy. There were times that I thought he would NEVER survive childhood or I wouldn't. He was a tough child to raise, always a challenge and always the challenger. He still challenges others but, mostly himself. He is not afraid to take off and make a path where none exists. How did he become so brave...we his parents are so "not adventursome"? We tend to take the path most taken. This month, my son will be 26 and when he reads this, I hope he knows how much we love him and that no matter what he does, he will always make us proud.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHARLES

There are some days

Though frowned upon by many, stabbing your ex can really give you 
some closure, although it's often the kind of closure that leaves 
you closed for thirty to life. 

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Anonymous effigy design can represent anyone you please 
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Set includes: 
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3.5-inch paring knife 
Heavy duty ABS plastic figurine block 

The Wall

The only way she was going to find “the truth” and learn how to be happy with who she was was to be willing to burn down the walls she had built.

Those walls had served her well over the years, at least until now. They were tall, thick and solid. But how could those she loved really know her true self when the walls kept her from even knowing herself?

The walls however, did not want to be burned and had so far eluded their demise. They shifted shapes, colors and names to continue to defend their existence. Dammit to hell, she built those walls, she made them what they were and they were hers to destroy. How dare they want to survive. How dare they???

Sometimes she can hear them scream that she would never discover “the truth”, whatever that was. All they knew was that as long as she survived, they would be alright, They would be safe. They said that they could make “the truth” whatever they wanted it to be. They could hide it or destroy it and she could do nothing to stop them. Besides why did she want to know "the truth"?? What would "the truth" do for her that they could not?

Santa Fe

Art News

I was browsing thru OKC Craigslist yesterday and ran across some new art info. Somehow, I have not heard about this and thought I would share. Randy and Tara Feurborn have moved their studio to The Paseo. The listing stated "The Blue Moon on Paseo is a Multi-Media ART BAR". They will be presenting cutting edge, cross genre music and innovative art in a range of media, including filmmaking. They have a call to artists for their show on 2/24/06 called "Red Dirt-Growing Up OKIE". This is a themed art show and Book Signing with Author Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz. The music will be provided by the Red Dirt Rangers. The exhibit is open to all artists of all mediums. Only art on growing up Okie or what Red Dirt means to you them will be accepted. Entry deadline is Feb. 17th (Friday). For more info call them at 528-9999 or 412-7367.

I have met the author Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz when she was here in OKC for her book "Red Dirt". I had a copy and she graciously signed it. The OK State Library now has that signed copy (it was their book). I loved the book and look forward to seeing her again. Her father lives in South OKC and she visit here frequently from her home in San Francisco. It should be a good show.

On a note relating to art , I spoke to Paul Wingo yesterday. He and Betsy are in town due to Betsy's father's death. The funeral is today. Paul had come to the Red Cup to take a break. He mentioned that he will be showing some of his work in conjunction with some art classes he is wanting to start. The work will be displayed at Studio Bleu on Paseo the first weekend in March. That is the next Paseo walk. I am thinking of them today. Paul spoke lovingly of his father in law and said he was like a father to him. Naturally, this is a hard time for them. Leslie said that Lee Murphy has put together a video for the family that will be shown at the funeral.

Some random thoughts

I have worked for almost 15 years for a program that supports families who have children with disabilities. It has been both a rewarding and frustrating job. The bureaucracy can be overwhelming, but the bright spots are so wonderful. The families make it worthwhile ( most of them). I have been to 3 trainings the last two weeks. One training was on working with children who are deaf /hard of hearing, another on assistive technology (low and high tech) and the last was on autism. I have to say that I have learned the most and struggled the hardest working with those families who have children with hearing concerns and autism.

I want to share some information that really made me think. I want to preface it with I knew most of the information that I am sharing, but some of it is even new to me. There is new research out there dealing with the brain and how it works. The brain is the only organ in the body that is not totally formed at birth. It has over 100 billion brain cells just waiting for work. The baby begins at birth to learn. She learns everytime she hears her mother's voice and the fan that fascinates her as she watches it move against the ceiling. By the time that baby is a toddler of 3 those brain cells that have not made any connections (one can actually map the cells as they make a connection with other cells) go away (this is the part I didn't know). The brain continues to add brain cells through adulthood, but not at the rate that they are lost. That is why the first 3 years of a child's life is so important. It is a use it or lose it deal. Dr. Bruce Perry has done much research in this area. He has founded the Houston, TX Child Truama Academy designed to help maltreated children recapture lost potential and develop in healthier ways. He has spoken how "both positive and negative interactions with caregivers create concrete physical changes in the young brain." Perry said that "because children’s brains reach 90% of their adult size by the age of four, early childhood is a “window of opportunity” for them to get maximum benefit from positive experiences." I would love to hear him speak. He has been in Norman and I will be on the look out for him.

A cold day in February

I decided to expound a bit more about the funeral I attended recently. I meant to say that what was going to be a normal Christian funeral became a bit more than those attending expected. I loved it. Leslie has a favorite recitation called "The Nazz". It was a favorite of her husband's and so she added it to the service. As usual she did great and I hope he heard her. Here is the link http://www.informer.org/nazz.html. I have heard her do this piece over 20 times and I never tire of it. It added the "Leslie" touch that was so needed.
Rena

bits and pieces

I spent January trying to maintain my new diet and for once have been succeeding. I acutally had to purchase few pairs of pants as the old size ones were in danger of embarrassing me! So now February is into it's 5th day and it is time I added to the blog.

January and September have historically been tough months for me and in turn for my family. September is the month that my uncle and mother died. Sept. is also my anniversary month. That in itself is not bad, but often as each anniversary passed I find myself mourning the marriage that might have been. But that is a story of another day.

This January was proving to be a not tough month until my friend's husband died. We buried JW on Feb. 3rd, but he passed Jan. 29. JW was a person I did not know well, but because my friend Leslie loved him, so did I. He made her happy and that made me happy. She now calls him doteworthy. I agree. At the funeral she spoke of him in ways that I wish I could talk of my husband. She said that he never lied to her and I believe her. Her friends wondered who this man was that she was willing to cater to and to love.

Another diabetes post

It is Thursday morning. I should be getting ready for work (actually, I should be at work now). But, I am at home getting ready to make the trek to my local drugstore to fill out my prescription for a blood glucose monitor. Lately, mornings have been tough. Getting up and going to work so damn hard. I finally called the doc. Was told to start checking my blood sugar and come back to the doc in a week. Dammit. So here I sit, dreading the visit. There are so many other high tech items I would rather have. Like a new digital camera or the new Ipod. Maybe next time.

The good news is I have lost about 20 pounds. I can really feel it. I am able to get up off the floor without making those funny groany noises. I actually purchased a new lower sized sweater this week. That was fun.
RJ

It's about time

I have started writing something a dozen times since my last post. Nothing seemed right. Christmas and New Years are over and we are in 2006. Winter is doing it's winter thing--well, that is if you include summertime temps. during winter. I usually love wintertime. It is actually my favorite season. I love cold winter evenings filled with hot cocoa and a good book. I love cold, crisp mornings wrapped in winter snow. It snowed today. As a child, I would wake up to the possibility of snow by running to the bathroom window to see if it really happened. I did that this morning and even at 54 love to see it.
I just wish I could have spent the morning drinking hot coffee at my local coffeeshop instead of going into work.

I spent most of the day, contacting families and trying to close files that needed to be closed and arranging visits for the rest of the week. As I was sitting at my desk plodding through paperwork, my son called. He is in graduate school in San Francisco. He called to tell me that he was listening to NPR (as he usually does) at work and remembered a conversation we had when we was about 15. He told me that he thought he was a Republican. I remember taking a deep breath and asked him why. To be honest, I can't remember what he said as I was trying to keep from hyperventilating! Today, as we talked, he laughed and said that he was sorry he scared me then. Happily, he is not a republican. It made me smile that he remembered the conversation and happy that he called me to let me know.

RJ