Almost 2006

Soon it will be time to drink too much, kiss the guy or gal you are with and wave another year goodbye. Damn!!! I was born in 1951 and the years are speeding past me. I almost bought a book called 500 things you need to do before you die! I didn't get it, because it is way too much pressure. It seems like all I can plan these days is what I am going to eat today or should I get out of bed.

Here is my list for what it is worth:

1. spend a month in Europe. I want to visit Tuscany, London, etc.

2. go back to NYC and see as many shows on Broadway (and off) as I can. The last and only time I was in NYC was the month prior to 9-11. I had won (more about that in another post)the trip and took my neighbor. We spend 4 days there and I want to go back. I did get to see an off bway show called "Batboy".

3. Finish my damn house. I have lived there on and off since I was 12 and am in the middle of getting it redone. We still have 4 rooms to finish.

Diabetes

About a month ago, I was given the wonderful news that I had diabetes type 2. My doctor told me to start taking an insulin pill and come in to see her in about 2 weeks. I knew it was coming, but was predictably hiding my head in very deep sand. So, I bitched and moaned and did much carrying on for two days.

Then I began to remember how diabetes had affected my family.

My mother's grandmother was diagnosed at a time when all science had to offer was raw insulin. At least it was something, but not enough. The great grandmother that wrote for penny dreadful novels was found dead in a field at the age of 57.

My mother's father (the Osage part of the family) was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of 45. As a side note, he was married 9 times, but only fathered my mother and uncle. Osages were known to marry often and not too well! Family history states that as he was walking out of the hospital where he learned about the diabetes diagnoses, he dropped dead of a heart attack.

Lastly, my mother was diagnosed at the age of 61 and was dead of a stroke at 66. She tried to diet, tried to live longer, but was never able to lose the weight that could have saved her. She died when her grandchildren were 4 and 6. I am an only child and the loss is still very painful.

Do you see a pattern here? That pink elephant in the middle of my brain was braying loud and clear and I finally listened.

So, I had the same choice to face the fact I needed to lost mucho weight and try to eat to live, not eat to die. So what did I do??

Well, first I drank my last real classic coke (that was a hard one) and decided I could learn to love diet coke...........well, I have not learned to love it yet, but drink it I can. I figured that took a daily 930 calories out of my diet. Then I bought a book called Diabetes for Dummies.

The title humor is not lost to me.

RJ

Vacation time

My vacation began last Friday at 3:30 pm, when I walked out of my office at work and got into my car! Two whole weeks to share with my family and friends. Two weeks away from the telephone and the volumes of paperwork that always accompanies any state job. Yes, I work for the state. Some times I get so angry when people assume I coast on my job and do nothing but sit around all day, logging in my hours and waiting until I retire. Well, they are wrong, I work hard and care about my clients. I just needed some time away from their problems. Sometimes I become so weighted down by their needs. I wish I had a magic wand to make everything better for them. Hell, I can't even make it all better for me.

Think I should walk away from this for a bit, before I start crying in my beer and telling all to the bartender.

I am sure tomorrow I will have a better view on my vacation.

Writing

It is early morning and I should be getting ready for work, but why rush?
I was thinking of why I want to write and I began to think of my great grandmother, Daisie Cleveland Cain. She died before I was born. She had diabetes and was giving herself the raw insulin shots. Family history said that she was found dead in a field in Oklahoma. She was in her mid fifties. Family history also said that she was a writer and had been published in several local newspapers, etc. There is nothing left of her writing. So this morning I decided to google her name and found 3 stories under her name. She wrote love stories and they were published in the 10 cent books that were written in the mid 1930's. At least now I have proof that she wrote and will continue to look for more. It has been a good morning. Well, guess I had best get dressed for work.
Have a good day!
RJ

A thought or 2

Well, it is a few weeks before Christmas. Usually I enjoy the feel of the holidays, even in the times when money was tight and work was harder. When my mother was alive, I was her focus of the holiday. I am or was an only child. Perhaps, I was spoiled, but I prefer to think that I was valued. Either way, Christmas was a time of mystery and surprise; A time of family and good food;
A time to sing those wonderful holiday/holy songs in the Church choir; A time to make lists and give hints and look for hidey holes that presents could lay awaiting tape and ribbon. I always looked and was afraid to find, but look I did.

This year, I have allowed myself to really listen to my friends who would prefer that Christmas go away. I used to call them grinches or bah! humbugs. Now, I have begun to understand that it is not the holiday they hate, but the feelings that it dredges to the surface. Christmas' that were ignored, days of parental drinking disguised as holiday celebration or no attention given to the day at all. I know that I may be in the minority for festive enjoyment. But, I will no longer be able to enjoy it as much as I once did, as I wish my friends could have had the wonderful days that I fondly remember.